It’s not that they don’t love you. It’s just that they are not familiar with the concept of “love”.
This all goes back to Chinese society as a whole lacking the concept of love, especially unconditional love. Chinese people don’t say love to each other as individuals. Instead, we were taught that love is something for “the greater beings” such as 国家 or 党. This is of course just brainwashing bullshit that authorities use for mind control.
When your parents decided to perceive you, they mostly don’t do it because of “love”, but more of a “duty” instead. When you’re growing up, you’re mostly being used as a tool to glorify their life achievements.
Sure they do care about you for some extent. This could due to multiple reasons, but mostly not “love”. I honestly never see a Chinese parent in my life, including my own, that shows the ability to actually “love” their kids.
I’m writing this hoping to help anyone who struggles with dealing with their parents. We are unfortunate to born in such a society so there’s no way for us to fix our parents. However, we can decide how we deal with this relationship for our own good.
Please tell yourself that your parents don’t love you. They never do, and never will. Really internalized this concept until you truly accepted it.
Then, start to rethink about how to deal with parents in order for you to live a good life. A few suggestion from me would be:
- Set clear personal boundaries with your parents. Similar to how you would train your dogs. Be very strict on what they can and can not do to you. Do not confuse them with mixed signals.
- On top of that, be nice to them if they behave well.
- Make sure you treat them in a way that if they die today you won’t feel guilty.