What happens after life beat the shit out of you

I was suppose to write a 2020 end-of-year post today, but I got this idea on writing something else so here it is.

2020 definitely beated the shit out of everyone. However, for me it’s just another year of life being shitty, so honestly it’s not that bad.

I used to be that optimistic kid thinking everything’s gonna be alright. I looked up to the next day, the next job, the next year. I got excited every morning out of bed. Until my life took a sharp down turn.

For a very long time I lived in endless struggle: Why is all these doing to me? Why is life so painful? When you are suddenly exposed to the truth of ugly side of life and humanity you’re 100% gonna be in some type of PTSD. For me it took almost 2 years.

I can sure say I become a very different person. First off, I do drugs. I do weed, since it’s easy to get here in Canada. It really helped me to keep myself mentally intact. I do it on the weekends, and occasionally on weekdays when I really needs to. Just FYI, everyone does some kind of drug without knowing cuz you need something to hook you otherwise nobody wants to live in this shiity world, unless you are enlightened.

I no longer interested in any type of fairytales – I mean you really can’t see life the same way after you’ve been to the ugly side cant you. I actually found this a relief, because I want no lie in my life whatsoever.

I now set very clear personal boundary, online and offline. I callout bullshit when I see it. I block idiots if they show up anywhere near my world. I precious my time, only spending it with people I truly care. I say what I want to say, whenever and whatever.

I guess the key word here is acceptance. You need to learn, accept and internalize the ugly truth. Your parents can be assholes. Your friends can be assholes. Anyone can turn their back on you. There’s no one that you can really trust with your life except yourself. Treat people nice but keep your boundaries.

You need to learn skills. Don’t rely on anyone on anything. Keep your survivability up at all time. Understand how things work. Understand capitalism, politics, technology, psychology. Know the rules and play the game.

We know so little about this world. Any day can be the last day. Any second can be the last second but you, being put in this world without will, has to play the game till the very last moment.

I don’t “hope” 2021 to be anything. It’s just gonna be there, whatever you like it or not. There is really not much choice. Just accept what’s happening, and respond with what you have. Just so you know this is how life always be.

Stay alive.